The Unholy Ministry of Sleaze: Battle Pope vs. Jesus Christ Posse
Helllloooo there! Done all of my hard exams, just one more to go and then I can finally go home. In celebration of the unofficial start of my break I’ve got the new split from two of the spiritual leaders in sleaze, Battle Pope and Jesus Christ Posse. I discovered this music thanks to the “Devil’s Kitchen” sampler from Art As Catharsis (Find that here).
The album is set up as a battle between the hell-making heathens in Battle Pope and the pure and righteous Christian hardcore summoned forth by Jesus Christ Posse. One side is tempting you with booze, weed, hookers, pizza and hookers covered in pizza, while the other is holding the threat of a vicious gang beating from the chosen one’s posse over your head. It’s a clever concept and is a great way to tie the entire split together, making it into a battle of the bands for your soul.
In one corner we’ve got the sprayers of hell-fire, the sexual whiskey-lickers, Battle Pope. If you were going to attempt to describe their style of musical malady it would never include the words subtle, classy or appropriate. Instead you might find yourself describing them as a satanic cock-slap of rock ‘n’ roll proportions, with eyes as red as the Devil’s dick, fingernails crusty with human remains, fecal matter and semen.
These are schizophrenia-noise-party-sleaze-riffs pulling a stagecoach built of empty mickeys and used condoms with a six-headed, four-legged and quadrupled-cocked monster at the helm. Title’s like “Dwarven Porn Trader Blues”, “Hymn of the Fallen Hymen” or “Slingin’ dicks and Smokin’ Spliffs” would just be scratching the surface of their musical curveball.
The music ricochets around the room in a drunken haze, bouncing between hardcore, southern rock, garage punk, noise rock and sludge. It dances with all of them, leaving sticky stains and a faint smell of burning electronics on their clothes. It’s an ADHD child that got into mommies PCP and makeup at the same time, producing the kind of monster only spoken of in hushed tones and behind closed doors.
Jesus Christ Posse provide the opposition to the rampant train of evil with their own breed of holy-spirit-scorched hardcore. These toga toting disciples started the day by breaking bread with christ and they’re going to finish the day by breaking your skull with christ too. If you were to imagine all of the disciples shaving their heads, getting knuckle tattoos and learning punk riffs, you’d be about halfway there.
It’s good old fashioned street-punk style shit, all charging rhythms and gang shouts that make you want to punch a hole through a heathen’s face. This is the kind of worship that leaves scorched earth, broken bones and shattered eardrums in it’s wake. If the power of christ doesn’t compel you then these guys hammering on your torso with a cross made of razor wire sure will.
Songs are short, brutal and fun as twangin’ a harp with angels in the promised land. They provided the fuel to the type of worship that involves a low stage, a dirt floor and a never ending circle pit. Chugging holy water and pounding wafers like a man possessed, this is hammer-thrash party time for JESUS MAN!
At the end of the 19 tracks you’ll have to make a choice. Did your soul get swayed to the eternal sleaze and depravity of Battle Pope? Or did the righteous hellfire of Jesus Christ Posse scare you straight? Pick a side and join the almighty war, you dirt worshiping heathen.
You can get this almighty clash of religions for a name-your-price option on Bandcamp, but you had better throw a couple bucks their way to avoid the inevitable visit from the Posse, a couple jugs of hot tar and a whole lotta feathers. Get some!